Suicidal.

I feel like crying.
I don't want to be tortured
Anymore.
I want to let it all go.
Run away from
All the memories.
All the suffering.
Living is just
Meant for dieing, right?
It doesn't matter
If it comes sooner or later.
We're all going to die.
One way or another.
'Cause without death,
What would life be?
I feel this urge.
It takes over sometimes.
I have to fight it back.
It keeps trying
To get to my mind.
Trying to drive me
To do its will.
What started it?
Was it a drug?
Was it a moment
That was to scar me
And affect me later on?
You keep torturing me, though.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to live.
You make me so
Undecisive.
I don't know what to choose.
People tell me to live.
My mind tells me to die.
I'm the biggest influence
On myself, aren't I?
But my influence
Isn't that great.
What if I went with it?
Would you feel anything?
Would you just
Forget about me?
Am I absolutely
Nothing to you?
Are you just like everyone else?
Looking at me
As nothing.
Just acting as
A pity party.
Looking at me as if
I'm so useless people
Should act different towards me.
Try to make it so
I actually have a use.
I really wish you won't.
But my wishes never count.
I've been wishing all my life.
And none have ever
Come true.